Topic: Dating a man 13 years older
And, yes, I know some younger men date older women. that married women were years younger than married men in the United States. Oh, and be careful of older guys who just see a young gal as sexually interesting and think I"m 33 dating a 21 year old woman I met at a group outing. My sister's partner is 18 years older than she is, I thought that was extreme but after I' ve. In early December , my boyfriend and I had our first date. When the roles are reversed and an older man dates a younger woman, the men are And, although we've been together for more than a year and a half, live I have learned a few things to help me get by, and to remind me that our love is worth fighting for.
He is in excellent shape. I know that someday that will change.
My in laws both passed away a few years ago, but I was lucky to have a good relationship with them. Our lifestyle and goals were very similar to begin with. Our vastly different life experiences has been awesome for our relationship. He made me believe in true love. If he is looking for a young wife to have healthy children with, that makes him smart. It only makes him a creep if he starts up with a woman in her 30s and then dumps her because her eggs are old.
I don't think you can fault a man who wants to give his children the best start in the world. As far as age gap, IMO, age gap only makes a difference if a man used that gap to "audition" women and then dump them on some kind of whim.
Or if he spent that time having children without marriage or commitment. If he has been spending that gap getting educated or building resources in order to start a family - then he is a keeper. This actually sounds like a really good match to me from what you have written. If he is smart enough to plan his life, like I think he has, then he is also smart enough to take care of his health. So it is not likely he will die young.
Since he is thirty-five, he has sort of proven himself health wise - you know he didn't have early onset schizophrenia or Leukemia which show up before 30 so the odds for getting a disease like that are lessened for him. That's just an example of things you know he will not get "young". He doesn't have diabetes now so if he watches his health he probably won't get it.
He should have children soon though. Because there is evidence older men have more problems with their offspring just like older women. I am now with a partner 12 years older than I am and we are doing just fine. Cultural and generational touchpoints - YMMV. There isn't nearly as stark a difference between generations these days as there once was, IME. Kids and grandparents alike listen to the Beatles and are Star Wars fans. A good friend and her years-older husband have no problems finding things in common to bond over; they are both smart, well-read, intellectually-curious people so that helps a lot.
So it helps a lot if both of you have a wide range of interests actually, that is a huge plus in any relationship whatever the relative ages. Two major stumbling blocks I've seen: A year gap isn't a big deal when you're 40 and he's But when you're 60 and he's 80 you might find yourself full of energy, still wanting to work and do things, and he's growing frail and in need of care and not able to enjoy doing the same things you do.
I've seen women around that age give up everything in their lives to care for their spouses and that's no fun, no matter how happy the marriage. You're 45, at the peak of your career. He's 65 and wants to retire now. Soon he's pushing you to take early retirement. Do you take the hit to your career and your Social Security payouts?
Women live longer than men so they need more income in retirement. Does he have enough stashed away to cover the shortfall? These aren't necessarily deal-breakers; they can be worked out or around. But they're things to think about in age-gap relationships and they'd be the same if it was the woman who was older!
He's 13 years older than me? - GirlsAskGuys
Reading these answers you'd think that year-olds were still in braces and training bras. I really don't see the point in purposefully ignoring someone's marriageability just because you're young. In fact, I think "don't worry" is a stupid attitude. Not everyone wants to have lots of pointless relationships with incompatible people before they're allowed to give a shit about things like long-term compatibility. Everything about this dude screams either "will never get a job" or maybe "SAH dad".
Is that okay with you? I'm in my late 30's and my father is in his early 80's and suffers a lot of health problems. He is more of a grandparent to me and although he was OK during my childhood and early teens, he wasn't the father he could have been had he been years younger.
I never knew my grandfather and now my kids will likely grow up without many memories of their grandfather either. I really cherish the time we have together, but I have to deal with the reality that I will spend the second half of my life without my dad and that sucks. Just something to think about When we met, I was 24 and he was Now we're all looking back on 37 and wishing we were that young again.
Of course there are all sorts of other details that were more important than our ages. He was just getting to the point in his life where he was ready to settle down no previous marriages or children. I was very mature for my age - yep, frequently called "an old soul" by my pals. I really think that we were meeting somewhere in the middle as far as our mental ages go.
Now we've been married for 18 years and it's a good marriage and we have a child, blah blah blah. My husband is getting older, that's true. Sadly, so am I. So my only advice to you is that if it's the right person, it's the right person.
If it's not, it's not. This is bad advice and not true. By the fourth date, one should be considering the long term potential of a relationship. I'd be more worried about his apparent lack of pragmatism about the future. You may well have to be the primary earner in this relationship. If you're lucky, he may be the primary parent, but I wouldn't count on that either.
Women his own age probably realize this and realize that if they are not in a place independently to start a family, they won't be there with him either. This isn't as pressing for you because you're young, so maybe you're happy to spend the next couple of years really focusing on your career to the point that you could be the primary earner and accommodate pregnancy and maternity leave.
The only way to find out whether he's worth it is to keep dating him with both your heart and your eyes open. Then when I was 23 I dated a different 35 year old for a year.
Neither of these relationships worked out. I think sestaak really nailed the main age-related issue. It did affect the relationships, but it wasn't really the main dealbreaker -- other compatibility issues were. More importantly, at the time those relationships seemed to me to have long-term potential because I was absolutely convinced I was ready and eager to settle down, get married, have babies, etc.
That was only two years ago I'm 25 now and I'm already changing my mind. Since the end of my last supposedly-headed-for-stability relationship, I've been having so much fun that getting married and having children is starting to seem like a fantastic bore. Still something I want in the long term, yes. But maybe in my thirties. Sometimes the man is older, sometimes I'm older.
In general, older guys tended to treat me like a pet and wanted me to be malleable and sweet. Younger guys see me for the amazon that I actually am. So I'd just warn you to be on the lookout for any signs that he considers your youth to be part of your appeal, because youth won't last. Has he had serious relationships in the past with women his age or older, or does he always prefer younger women?
Does he seem truly impressed by your brain and career? His goals for himself sound perfectly lovely and doubtless help make him an interesting person to date but one of them seems terribly unrealistic maybe the UN and the PhD is a long, depressing, stressful and sometimes heartbreakingly burdensome road to trod.
Does your salsa dancer have the fortitude or the finances for that? Not to mince words, be aware that a young woman who is just starting a marketing career can expect to be able to support her household and, in today's world, is increasingly called upon to do so.
I know some women who are the sole breadwinners in their relationships with a long term students. The doctoral student charm wears a little thin when she's doing all of the money-making and most of the care-taking and is still expected to support his ego and, sometimes, worry about a ton of unpaid student loan debt.
Having kids and a happy family life seems unattainable when you're pouring everything into somebody else's dreams.
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Be sure when you pick a man, you're going to be living your life and not just playing a part in his. Does he have any dreams of paying the bills? It's pretty obvious why he is not dating women in his peer group. I'm really glad I did. First, the older men did not have their shit sorted out, and that was part of why they dated younger women.
Relatedly, they were going through mid-life crises at a point where I was not capable of understanding or supporting them through it. When my husband started Thinking About His Life in the past year, we'd already been together for six years and the commitment saw us through it. Second, you miss out on a lot of common cultural touchstones. I'm only two years older than your guy, and I have no freaking idea what 22 year olds are into nowadays, or what cartoons you watched as a kid, or what your favorite movie is likely to be.
Third, aches and pains crop up suddenly and inexplicably in your late 30s and early 40s, although if he's active dancing this may impact him less.
Still, he's unlikely to have as much energy as you do. Fourth, when you're with a guy who is similar in age, you know he likes to date women who are similar in age to you.
He's less likely to drop you for another 22 year old down the line.
What You Must Know Before Dating an Older Man | PairedLife
But there are many advantages to dating a guy close to your age. And had different "older" attitudes. I look at movies from the 50s and wonder who those grown ups are and then realize they were 28 at the time. Medical care is a lot better now. What she saw happening is not what happens now. For instance, I used to disqualify people with pets because I have allergies and don't want pets.
But the right person for me might decide he does not want further pets either, or I might decide for the right person that I can live with the right kind of pet, if other elements all line up and the signs otherwise point to a 'yes.
He is not a little old man.Is It A Bad Idea To Date A Younger Man?
And he is, like you, not established yet in his career. Is 'UN Diplomat' perhaps his fantasy job? But if he is with the right person when the job issue starts to matter, might he absolutely consider where they are at and what their preferences are when he decides? Fwiw there is a year difference between my dad and my stepmother, she is 50ish and he is something, and they have had 25 fabulous years together so far and show no signs of keeling over. Meanwhile, I am with someone a mere one year older than me who has some pre-existing health issues and I have already done some care-giving.
But with all the other plusses the relationship brings to my life, that one fact alone is not a deal-breaker, and I certainly don't think that the mere existence of his health condition should disqualify him from being in a relationship forever. When you worry about what will happen when he is mids and you are something, what you are really saying is that you want some sort of guarantee that things will be fine, and the reality is, nobody gets that.
That is just too far away to know for sure. And even if something does happen to him in his 60s, you would have had 30 great years together. So if he works for you and you work for him, why not just go with the journey and see what happens?
Don't drive yourself crazy trying to look for a crystal ball; there isn't one for anybody, age difference or not.
Nah, that's not what I meant. I meant, as other people have addressed, "why is he on the same wavelength as you? He's not in a mids mindset: Nothing wrong with that, really; it just might not be what you want long-term. But I kept thinking about this question today, and you know what? Enjoy this guy's year-old-looking fit French-speaking ass. There are many advantages to dating older guys now. But that doesn't mean you have to marry one. I talked to him today and I asked him some of the questions that were raised here.
I was surprised by all the comments that talk about me being needing to be the main bread-winner. He told me today that he's on track to finish his PhD in December; he started in While a UN job isn't necessarily realistic, he taught high school French prior to going back for his PhD and also worked as a notary, at one point.
So other than the risk of being over-qualified, I don't see why he wouldn't be able to find meaningful work once he's done. Also, he's on scholarship now, and he was on scholarship for previous education as well, so I don't imagine he'd have massive student debt.
Does that make sense, or do you think I'm missing something? In terms of other relationships He was ready for kids, she wanted to hold off. They planned to get married, but they were holding off because they she?
He ended the relationship because he felt like he was constantly giving of himself and he wasn't getting anything back, and lack of common interests. She wouldn't come support him at his karate tournaments.
His money was her money, her money was her money, etc. He stayed for so long because they were of the same background, and in a new country it was comfortable, and you get to a point when you've put so much time into the relationship, you don't want to start over. Of course there's 2 sides to every story, but it makes perfect sense to me, because he is so nice and puts in so much effort, it would be very easy for someone to take advantage of him.
I'm very conscious of the fact that he was in such a long relationship none of mine have been very long or serious, although since my last relationship I changed my mentality and have avoided dating people I don't see long-term potential with. I didn't post that fact initially because I wanted to get advice on the age issue specifically. Of course it's too soon to tell if this will be an issue - obviously that's a huge difference in experience - but I get the feeling that he was disappointed with the relationship for so long that he's at least not pining over her now.
Thank you for the points on male fertility, aging in-laws, and mid-life crises. And also his age when children are grown. The sex is great, she's very intelligent, will end up being a dentist, I love spending time with her, and I'm pretty sure I'm going to ask her to marry me some day.
If you feel it's right do it. If you go through life worring about things like a number, you're going to miss out on a lot. What's more important is how happy you make each other feel. If the relationship isn't one sided. If it's equal in give and take. If you feel comfortable with each other. It's like saying is this person too tall for me. It's just a number. Don't judge people on one aspect of what they are, you may be missing out on all the amazing qualities they have behind that number.
I guess a lot of people are wary seeing an older guy with an younger girl because they judge what his intentions are too quickly.
The reality of being in a relationship with someone significantly older than you
Hope you're guy is one of the good ones. I explain this to him every now and again and he starts showing more attention and then backs off again. I started saying I love you about month 5, he says it but usually when he drinks, I know he cares about me because he tells me that he is crazy about me. I know he is a busy man, working a lot, stressful job, etc. It seems to work and he is coming around a little more and texting a bit.
I am a strong woman and I can handle my children on my own, the only thing I have asked him was to respect my children and realize that if he wants to be with me, that my kids and I come as one package.
He treats my kids good when he is around them, which is rarely, but he is coming around more frequently now that I have moved closer and the kids and him do have fun when they are together. Since backing off, he has told me he loves me twice, he has just dropped by a few times unannounced and has made sad excuses for why he wants to come over.
I guess I want to know if I am wasting my time or if this guy genuinely cares? I have no problem walking away, but this relationship is so new to me new being I have never dated a guy 13 years older than me. That is the jest of it. July 27, at 5: If he fades again, let him go. You can still be on the same wavelength. Just depends on his schedule and mine. July 27, at 7: You are pirating because you feel there is a problem. From what you write here is what I see. You pursued him FIRsT.
So from the get go you showed too much interest too soon. And he showed less. He is very clear on this for what you write 3.